Practicing Feb 2024
I find it very difficult to start writing, putting down on blank page (who doesn’t or at least this is a common issue, or so I’ve heard)
But it makes me consider what would let me start writing? What motivates me to write, what gets me to begin is different to the ‘how’ the piece is (presented as) written in the end (i.e. the methods and form that motivate me to start are different to the final composed form – so, I could access composing by writing simple text instructions, but then translate this into video practice, or graphic score for final composition)
If I think I set myself short tasks, something that I can grab onto easily like ‘write a set of instructions’ – then I don’t have to think about it having to be a specifically labelled ‘score’ (which is really [originally, I wrote ‘quite’ but it’s more than that] daunting)
Think of it as ‘what do I want to do?’, or ‘what do I want to get across?’*
(an afterthought after here: perhaps turn this element of struggle, of obstacle into my practice, how to wield it openly, deliberately, publicly?)
[(19/02/24) an after-afterthought on ^this^: isn’t that what I’m doing by publishing this type of writing, this part of my process via a blog?]
So start by saying:
make a piece (specify length? specify type of score? specify instrumentation?) using/showing deconstruction of language then reshape this to show intra-action/interrelatedness
or create an e.g.1-minute (then 3, then 5 etc) study on the e.g. mouth (hand, eyes etc) that shows the voice-body connection (or disconnection)
or take a piece/score I like by someone else (in some way – format, outcome, materials etc) and reshape with my research features (i.e. take an Oliveros score, but refocus it to bring out more intra-activity, or body-voice relationship)
*and think really into what form the piece wants, dependent on what I want to show – stop overthinking, and just follow what the motivations of the work want
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(Oliveros, Pauline, ‘Introduction II’, Sonic Meditations (1974) p.3.)
Pauline Oliveros has abandoned composition/performance practice as it is usually established today for Sonic Explorations which include everyone who wants to participate. She attempts to erase the subject/object or performer/audience relationship by returning to ancient forms which preclude spectators. She is interested in communication among all forms of life, through Sonic Energy. She is especially interested in the healing power of Sonic Energy and its transmission within groups.
All societies admit the power of music or sound. […]
Sonic Meditations are an attempt to return the control of sound to the individual alone, and within groups especially for humanitarian purposes, specifically healing.
My practice through this frame:
Lottie Sadd is abandoning [what kind of?] composition/performance practice for an embodied vocal practice which includes every-body that wants to/is already voice/ing. She attempts to draw attention to the dynamism of boundaries between traditional hierarchical structures of subject/object and performer/audience by (re)turning to extra-linguistic voice-bodies that, in acting beyond phallogocentric linguistic epistemologies, contest anthropocentric hegemonies of individualism [and ownership] and progress [knowledge as power/capital]. She is interested in acknowledging the similarly dynamic boundaries between human and non-human, and, consequently, possible connection among all voice-bodies of the world, through encounters that can happen beyond conventional communication. She is especially interested in the compassionate power of this practice for human and non-human ‘others’ alike.
[voice-body practice or some name for this practice] is an attempt to reveal the possibilities for different ways of connecting with human and non-human voice-bodies in the world, toward decolonial and ecological purposes.
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(17th Feb.)
I find it very difficult, am very nervous to get past the exact things I talk so confidently about in my practice. I am nervous to use my voice too loudly at home even when alone in case my neighbours hear (and think or do what?). I am scared to use my voice loudly, to go beyond vocal convention. Perhaps that’s why I still perform with consonant melody, making up the subversion via improvisation and via extended duration.
While I do want to get past this, perhaps settle into starting from this point of fear and vulnerability; start quietly, softly blur my own boundaries; make a practice out of blurring.
(19th Feb.)
What could take me out of thinking that practice must result in ‘work/s’? How do I remove that looming pressure over me? How better to consider practice as interrogation as S. said? How can I radically shift or transform my approach (preconceptions) of what practice must be? Why do I find it so hard? What’s making me taste sick in my mouth every time I think about doing practice? What is the disconnect between what I already do as practice – but don’t instinctively regard as such – and the practice that I think I “should” be doing?
lottie sadd 
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